


Remember The First Time?

by twdsunshine



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, Pre-Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-21 22:05:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15567321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twdsunshine/pseuds/twdsunshine
Summary: Pre-apocalypse.  When the reader starts her first year of college, the last thing she expects is to bump into the guy she lost her virginity to back home several years ago.  Negan is enjoying playing the field until a girl from his past challenges his womanising ways.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a request sent in by @thehall0wqueeen on Tumblr back in April (shit, I’m sorry!) for some more pre-apocalypse, college-era Negan, with him being all protective over the reader. It was shortly after I Know You finished, I think, so I was going for a vibe similar to the flashbacks in that series.
> 
> P.S. Didn’t have a whole lot of time to proofread this one, so sorry if there are a million typos and mistakes!

You didn’t see it coming.  You were blindly oblivious to the tussle going on behind you as you talked to your roommate, a plastic cup of beer cupped in your hands.  You were vaguely aware of whoops and shouts, felt those gathered around you move away, but still you didn’t turn to assess the threat, unaware that you were even in harm’s way until you were knocked to the ground, crushed under the weight of two thickly-built football players as they fought.  The air had been forced from your lungs under the impact, and you could feel knees and elbows digging in to you as you squirmed to break free, trying to shift yourself backwards with your knees, but every inch that you successfully moved only dragged the warring men with you.

‘Hey!’  You heard a shout, though you were too busy trying to protect yourself, giving up on getting away and focusing on curling yourself into the tightest ball possible, to be able to tell where it was coming from.  ‘Hey, what the fuck are you doing?’

Suddenly, the weight on top of you disappeared, though not before a shoulder caught your ribs, eliciting a groan of pain from you as the men were hauled to their feet and seperated.  ‘Shit, did you not feel her underneath you, you stupid fucks?’  The same voice was still shouting, and then you were being lifted by a set of strong arms.  

‘Y/N, are you okay?’  You recognised your roommate’s voice, and felt a soft hand on your arm, but your savior was moving fast, pulling you out of her reach as he muttered, ‘No, she’s not okay.  Stupid fucking question.’

Every bone in your body ached, as you were jostled against a broad chest, feeling every jolt as he climbed a flight of stairs, setting you on your feet when you reached a locked door.  His hold on you remained tight, keeping you upright as he pulled out a key and granted you entry.  As soon as you saw the bed, you lurched away from him, collapsing onto the soft, forgiving surface and tucking your knees into your chest.  You weren’t sure if it was the shock or something else, but all you wanted was to close your eyes and go to sleep, hoping that the pain would be gone when you woke.  

‘Hey, c’mon doll.’  You were pulled back from the brink of unconsciousness by a gentle touch on your leg as the mattress dipped beside you, and you blinked blearily up at the man who had rescued you.  ‘I need to check you over.  You might have fucking internal bleeding or something.’

His eyes were roaming over your body, though yours were frozen on his face, his touch having a totally different effect now that you’d realised who it was that was examining you.  ‘Negan?’

Your memory flashed back to another party, a bonfire in the park back home, the last farewell for the seniors before they went off to college.  The boy you’d been lusting after for years, that you used to watch across the cafeteria wishing that he’d look your way, had finally seen you, and, because it had felt like the only chance you’d get, you’d given him all you had.  It had been your first time, not that you’d told him, and you’d hoped it might be a beginning, but he’d shut you down straight after, telling you how it was, and sending you home feeling used and yet, weirdly, content.  You hadn’t laid eyes on him since, until now.

His gaze finally met yours, and you saw a look of recognition flash over his features as his grip tightened on you.  ‘Well, shit, sweetheart, I didn’t…  Fuck.  What the hell are you doing here?’

‘I go to school here.’

‘Since when?’

‘Since a couple of months ago.’

He was exactly as you remembered him, all tanned skin and long limbs, soulful eyes that could convince you to commit a multitude of sins.  The stubble was a little thicker on his cheeks, a dark smattering of coarse hair that made him look older and more distinguished.  

‘Well…’  He fell silent.  ‘I mean, it’s good to fucking see you.’  You nodded, wiping away the mascara trails from under your eyes as you eased yourself up to sit beside him, wincing when the movement jarred your bruised body.  ‘I wish it was under better circumstances though.  I’m sorry about those guys.  They’re fucking dicks, but they live in this dorm, so…’

‘It’s okay,’ you reassured him, feeling your cheeks flush as he gave you a small smile.  ‘Not your fault.  Accidents happen.’

‘Well, they fucking shouldn’t.’  His hand found yours, lacing your fingers together, his touch familiar.  ‘I’ll have a word with the coach, make sure he shuts that shit down.’  

Silence fell over you, and you shifted uncomfortably, wishing you could tug your shirt up and inspect the damage but knowing it would be inappropriate with him sitting so close to you.  ‘Erm, do you have a bathroom I could use?’

‘Sure, doll, communal one right across the hall.’

 

* * *

 

Negan’s mind reeled as he sat in his room, waiting for Y/N to return.  Shit, there was a face he never thought he’d see again.  He remembered her from high school, of course he did, but he’d tried to push her out of his head, not letting his thoughts drift to her once he’d packed up his truck and driven out of town.  He’d liked her for a long while before he finally made a fucking move.  He played with her brother on the football team and he’d heard him shut down several requests by the other guys to ask her out, threatening violence should anyone so much as lay a damn finger on her, so he’d kept his distance until the last party of the school year.  Her brother hadn’t been there, off at some college open day, having not made a firm decision on where he wanted to go, so Negan had grabbed the opportunity and claimed her as his own, working out the months of built-up frustration as she writhed beneath him.  He’d realised after that it was her first time - musta been, poor girl didn’t seem to have a clue what was going on - and he wished she’d had the balls to tell him so he could’ve tried to make it special for her.  As it was, he shut it down as soon as he’d refastened his belt, making it clear it was a one-time thing.  He’d paused in his movements above her somewhere in the midst of it all, and had found himself entranced by her wide, wondering eyes as she stared up at him, his heart giving a warning pang that told him he could be in real trouble if he let her in any closer, and he couldn’t have that.  Negan didn’t do relationships and feelings.  He got his and got gone.  He did it that night and he’d done it ever since.

When she re-emerged, she was clutching her ribs, her mouth set in a grim line as she hovered in the doorway.  ‘I think I need to go and sort myself out.  It is not pretty under here.’

‘Shit, doll, you look like you’re really fucking hurting.’

‘Yeah.’  She nodded, grimacing when even that tiny action seemed to cause her more pain.  ‘I think I just need to go get an aspirin or-’

‘No, you’re not going anywhere.’  His tone was firm and authoritative as he stood and crossed the room, shepherding her back towards the bed with a gentle hand on the small of her back.  ‘Let me get a fucking look at you, okay?  I’d never forgive myself if I let you go home alone and it turned out to be something serious.’

He saw her debating the point in her head and decided to remove any choice, reaching for the hem of her blouse and easing it up to expose her stomach.  Mottled blue-purple bruises were already blossoming over her skin, and he ghosted his fingers over her injuries, unable to fight his smile when he heard her gasp, the sound wanton and needy, despite the situation she found herself in.  Sounded like his teammate’s little sis had grown the fuck up.  ‘Shit.’

‘So, how do you tell if there’s internal bleeding?’ she asked, watching as he examined her.

He ran a hand through his slicked-back hair, exhaling loudly.  ‘Hell if I know.’

She let out a quiet huff of laughter, but pulled her top back into place, once again moving to leave.  ‘Which is exactly why I should go.’

‘No.’  He had no idea why he was protesting so much, except that he couldn’t stand the thought of her walking out on him.  Being so close to her reminded him how much he’d missed her: her smile, her laugh, how soft her curves were beneath his fingers.  ‘Stay the night, doll.  I can watch over you or something, just in case.’

‘Oh, no, that’s not-’

‘I’m not taking no for an answer.’  He levered himself upright, rummaging through a pile of clean laundry on the chair in the corner of the room and tossing her a clean t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts.  ‘Put those on.  You can take the bed.  I’ll go find you some painkillers.’

He left her in search of the pills, half expecting her to use the opportunity to slip out of the room and make her escape, but, when he returned, she was dressed in his clothes, the t-shirt falling almost to her knees and making the shorts almost unnecessary.  ‘They’re a little big,’ she pointed out, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot.  

‘You look sexy as shit, sweetheart,’ he drawled, tilting his head to one side as he checked her out, wondering how she managed to look so good in clothes that were hanging from her like a sack.  ‘Here, got you these.’

He passed over two small pills and grabbed a bottle of water from his nightstand, waiting while she tipped them down her throat and took a swig.  ‘Thank you, Negan.’

He pulled back the blankets, motioning for her to get into the bed, which she did, allowing him to tuck her in and drop down beside her, leaving a respectable distance between them, trying to remind himself that she was in pain and that trying to take advantage of the situation was a bad fucking idea.  ‘You tired, doll?’

‘A little.  Not sure I can sleep though.’  She smirked at him and he realised that it would probably be nigh on impossible to sleep with the bass from the party downstairs throbbing through the floor.  

‘Mind if I stay and talk to you for a little while?’  As soon as the question fell from his lips, he had to force himself not to roll his eyes.  He sounded like a real fucking sap, and he could tell from the way she bit her lip that she was thinking the same damn thing.  ‘I mean, if you want the fucking company.  I can fuck off if you want some space.’

‘Then who will call the ambulance when I pass out or whatever?’  She was teasing him, the tension in her body already ebbing away, and he sent a silent thanks to the girl down the hall that had had a stock of strong painkillers that she was happy to offer up, once he’d shot her a suggestive grin and trailed a hand down her side.  He’d spent one or two nights wrapped around that little one, and he was sure that sense memory had been responsible for the flirtatious giggle that escaped her as she handed over the goods.  

‘Alright, alright.’  He stretched out on the bed, folding his arms under his head as he searched for a topic that would put them on familiar ground without implying that he had any expectations just ‘cause she was in his bed and wearing his clothes and… Shit, he wanted her.  ‘So, how’s your brother doing?  He went to college out west, right?’

‘Yeah, that’s right,’ she confirmed, wriggling down under the covers to get more comfortable.  ‘He’s doing good.  He got engaged last month, so my folks are like, over the moon right now.’

‘Fuck, never pictured that one settling down so early.’

‘Well, he’s grown up a lot since high school.’

‘Sounds like.’  He shook his head in disbelief, before glancing over at Y/N as she picked at a loose thread on the bedspread.  ‘What about you, doll?  You got a man in your life?’

‘Nope.’  She screwed up her nose as though the very idea was unpleasant.  ‘I figured out a while ago that there’s just no point.  You think they like you, so you let them do… whatever it is they want to do, and then, boom, you’re on your own, feeling used and dirty, and they’re shacking up with a damn cheerleader or else they’re just… gone.’

He could see the hurt in her eyes, and he cursed himself for being the cause of at least a percentage of that cynicism.  ‘Boom, huh?’

‘Fucking boom!’

A low chuckle rumbled through his chest and he snaked his tongue out to wet his bottom lip as he considered his next words.  ‘I didn’t mean to fucking use you, princess.  I hope you know that.’

‘Oh, we don’t need to talk about-’

‘Yeah, I think we fucking do.’  He sighed, rubbing his fingers over his tired eyes.  ‘I liked you, Y/N, a whole fucking lot for a little while there, but your brother had a real chip on his shoulder about anyone on the team making a move on you.  Then when I finally got a chance, I knew I’d be leaving in a few weeks and it just seemed like there wasn’t a lot of fucking point in trying to make it more than it was, y’know?’

She was quiet for a moment, her brow furrowed as though she was struggling to find the truth in his words.  ‘Seriously?  You actually liked me?’

‘I wouldn’t fucking lie to you, doll.’

‘I liked you, too,’ she admitted, her voice barely a whisper, as though she still expected him to laugh in her face.  ‘I tried to catch your eye all year, and then when we finally… I thought maybe that would be the start of something.  You broke my heart a little when you just left.’

‘Shit, I’m sorry.’  

She shook her head sadly as the memory of those dark days overwhelmed her.  ‘You know you were my first?’

‘Kinda figured it out afterwards.  I wish you’d fucking said something at the time, so I could’ve-’

‘What?  Made it special?’

‘Well, yeah.’

‘God, it was with you.  In my head, back then, that was about as special as it could get!’

‘Well, I can’t say I’m not fucking flattered, but I still woulda done things differently if I’d known.’

Their eyes met, and a delicious tension vibrated between them, thickening the air until it felt stifling.  She was biting her lip again, and more than anything Negan wanted to close the space between them and replace her teeth with his own, tugging gently against the pillowy flesh before kissing her until she couldn’t think straight.

The moment was interrupted when a knock sounded at the door, and Negan slipped from the bed to peer through the peephole, glancing back towards the bed before opening the door just a crack.  ‘Get some rest, doll.  I’ll be back soon.’

 

* * *

 

As soon as the door closed behind him, you heard the low rumble of his voice as he spoke to his visitor, and you found that if you strained your ears you could just make out the words.

‘Shit, kitten, I’m sorry.  I know I told you we’d spend the night together, but something came up, and-’

‘Negan, I’m not just your booty call, okay?  Sometimes when I need you, I need you.  This can’t just be one way.’

‘I know, I know.’

‘Have you got another girl in there?’

‘Fuck, yes, okay, I have, but it’s not like that, princess.  She’s just an old friend from high school.  Shit, she’s barely even a friend.  I just played football with her brother, and I haven’t seen her in fucking years.’

You couldn’t deny the stab of hurt that ran through you at his words, the pain of betrayal that even the pills couldn’t take away.  He’d done it again, reeled you in with that smile, making you feel like you were special, like you mattered.  You hunkered down under the covers, pressing your hands to your ears to drown out the sound as the voices continued, and when Negan finally slipped back into the room, you kept your eyes closed and pretended to be asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

The cafeteria was quiet as you crossed the tacky linoleum floor, grabbing a sandwich and a bottle of juice, before dropping into an empty chair and pulling a book from your bag.  You winced at the feel of the hard plastic against your ribcage, still sporting some impressive bruises from the night of the party-gone-wrong.  They were a stark reminder of Negan coming to your rescue, the tension that had built between you as he’d tucked you up in his bed, and the stab of betrayal as he explained away your history to the booty call that had turned up at his door.  You’d slipped out as soon as the first watery rays of daylight had filtered through his thin nylon curtains the next morning, leaving him sleeping, not wanting to talk anymore or have to look him in the eye.

Even as your cheeks flushed with the shame of almost falling for his easy charm once again, your eyes fell on his long-limbed figure as he strode into the room, oblivious to your presence as he laughed with his friends.  He was the leader of the pack, as he’d always been, dominant and charismatic, and your heartbeat faltered when he finally looked your way.  For a moment, you thought he might come over. You hadn’t spoken since that night, but you hadn’t left things on bad terms either, as far as he was concerned, so there was no reason he shouldn’t, but he just shot you a smile, before turning back to the racks of food.  You watched him for a while longer as he paid for his lunch, winking at the lady on the cash register, and taking a seat around a table with the rest of the guys. When he started to eat, you forced yourself to look away, focusing your attention on the novel before you and trying to lose yourself in the story.

You’d just finished eating and were about to pack up your things to leave and head to your next class, when the chair opposite you was pulled back and a well-muscled guy with dark hair and a crooked grin dropped down in front of you.  You recognised him as one of the group that Negan had come in with, but before you could glance over at the table where he was still holding court, the man began to speak.

‘It’s Y/N, right?’

‘Err, yeah,’ you nodded.  ‘Do I-‘

‘Zach.’  He held out a meaty hand to you and you shook it, painfully conscious of the sweat that coated your palms, a result of your discomfort and the stuffy heat of the building.  ‘Look, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for the other night.  Too much beer and a poorly-judged arm-wrestling competition, right?  It got out of hand and I didn’t even see you until we got dragged off of you.’

The fog of confusion in your mind cleared as he spoke, and you realised that this must be one of the fighting Neanderthals that had crushed you beneath their weight as they tussled.  He didn’t look like a Neanderthal now though, clean-cut with piercing blue eyes.  He was actually kinda handsome, and you shook your head to quiet him so you could stop his apology. ‘Hey, it’s fine, honestly.  These things happen.  I know you didn’t do it on purpose.’

‘But Negan said you were pretty bashed up.  We never meant to hurt anyone.  Well, except each other.’

‘I know.’  You have him a small smile. ‘Really, it’s okay.  I’m okay.  Bruises heal, right?’

He nodded, dipping his head and dropping his gaze to the floor before meeting your eyes again.  ‘I’d still like to make it up to you though, if you’ll let me.’

You could feel Negan’s stare burning in to you from his table across the room, his attention finally on you now that yours was focused elsewhere, and it only encouraged you as you tilted your head to one side.  ‘What did you have in mind?’

‘Well, we’re having a party – yeah, another one – on Friday night, and I thought you might like to come with me, y’know, as my date.’  At your look of hesitation, he rushed on.  ‘I promise you won’t get hurt this time, like, cross my heart.  I’ll protect you.’  His chest was puffed up as he reassured you of your safety, and you fought the urge to giggle.

‘That would be nice.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Sure.’

‘Cool, well.’  He paused to slide a crumpled piece of paper with his number scrawled on it towards you.  ‘Let me know where you’re at and I’ll come pick you up.  Maybe we can grab some food before heading over.’

‘Sounds good.  I’ll call you,’ you promised, tucking it into your pocket as he levered himself upright and turned to walk away.  He headed out into the courtyard instead of returning to his original seat, closely followed by the rest of the group but Negan stayed behind, and you sighed heavily as he started to make his way over to you, settling himself into the chair that Zach has just vacated.

‘You’re welcome, doll.’

‘I’m sorry?’  You narrowed your eyes at him as he smirked at you, gesturing towards the door through which his teammate had just made his exit.

‘The fucking apology!’  He leant forward to rest his forearms on the table.  ‘He did apologise, right?  I told him he needed to sort his shit out.  Guy’s an asshole.’

‘Oh, yeah,’ you reassured him.  ‘He apologised.  He seemed sweet.’

‘Far from it, princess.’

‘Well, he’s taking me out to make it up to me.  That’s gotta count for something, right?’

The smug smile dropped from Negan’s face, to be replaced by a dark look.  ‘He’s fucking what?’

‘Yeah, to the party on Friday.  I guess it’s, like, a date.’

The stormclouds behind his eyes became even more ominous as he shook his head is disbelief.  ‘Shit, that’s a mistake, Y/N.’

You raised an eyebrow at him, refusing to let him bully you.  ‘Oh, really?  What makes you say that?’

‘He’s just… the guy’s a dick, alright?  He’s all talk, and he’ll treat you like a goddamn angel ‘til he gets what he wants, then he’ll cast you aside like a piece of trash.  You deserve better than that.’

You couldn’t contain your guffaw of humourless laughter as you looked at him incredulously.  ‘Are you serious?’

‘Fuck yeah, I’m serious.’

You pushed your chair back, standing up, shouldering your bag and making a grab for your lunch tray, knowing you needed to get out of there before your temper boiled over.  God, Negan knew how to push every single one of your buttons and he didn’t even seem to know that he was doing it. ‘Well, for a start, it’s none of your damn business.  We’re not friends, Negan.  I’m just the kid sister of some guy you used to play football with.  And, y’know what?  It doesn’t really matter what I deserve, does it?  Because, apparently, that asshole you just described is exactly my type.’

You span on your heel and walked away, leaving him gawping after you as you left him sitting alone.

 

* * *

 

The dorm building was packed once again, a crush of bodies drinking and dancing and letting their hair down after another long week of classes.  The music was barely audible over the chatter, and the plastic cup of beer in your hand was lukewarm, but you’d had a pleasant meal with Zach, making small talk and tucking in to greasy slices of pizza, and he was at your side now, his fingers laced through yours even as he turned his back to you to talk to his roommate.  Did it bother you that his attention was focused more on his friends than his date?  If you were honest with yourself, not really.  He was a nice guy, you were sure of it, but he left you feeling a little cold.  Sure, he was handsome, but you longed for the feel of rough stubble under your fingers, and dark eyes that you could lose yourself in.

Even so, you weren’t going to let it ruin your night, and when Zach finally turned back to you, and his hand grazed over your cheek, you tilted your head up, closing the gap between you until his breath ghosted over your face.

‘You having a good time?’  His voice was low and seductive as his gaze flickered towards your mouth, and you nodded.  ‘You wanna have a better time?’

You could have cringed at the line, but the truth was you had alcohol buzzing through your veins and a warm body pressed up against you, and all you really wanted in that moment was to be kissed.  It didn’t matter that you had no connection with this guy, that you’d probably never speak again after tonight.  All that mattered was that his grip on you was tightening and that maybe this was exactly what you needed to drive thoughts of Negan from your mind.

Your breath caught in your throat when his lips brushed yours, tentative at first, questioning, before he deepened the kiss when he felt you start to respond.  His mouth was soft on yours, and when you hooked your fingers into the neck of his shirt to drag him closer, his skin was smooth to the touch.  A distant part of your subconscious craved the soft curls of chest hair tickling against your knuckles, but you fought it down, trying to lose yourself in the here and now.

Zach broke away from you, his blue eyes heavy with lust, and you could feel his hands curling around your arms, knew the question that was coming next.  Come upstairs with me.  Would you?  Should you?

Before you could find the answer, before he could even make the request, he was being hauled away from you, your skin instantly cold where his warm touch had been, as he was pushed to the floor, the sound of flesh colliding with flesh reaching your ears.

‘Negan!’  He was pinning Zach down, his fist raised to take another swing, breathing hard, his eyes almost black with fury when he looked back at you.  ‘What the hell are you doing?’

He stared at you for a moment longer, before glancing back down at where your date lay beneath him, his hands raised defensively as he readied himself for another blow.  ‘I-I don’t-‘

You wrapped your fingers around his wrist, feeling the tension that flowed down his arm and into his clenched knuckles, tugging at him until you felt him give and start to rise to his feet.  ‘What is this?’

‘I…’  He tailed off, his eyes flickering to your lips, and back to Zach who was slowly climbing to his feet.  ‘I just couldn’t fucking stand him touching you.  I told you, doll, the guy’s a dick.’

‘He’s not the one acting like it right now,’ you spat, glaring at him as he hung his head, avoiding your angry stare.

When he looked back at you, the rage and confusion had disappeared from his expression and instead he looked forlorn, tugging at your heart as he took a step closer, his voice low as he murmured, ‘Can we talk?’

You took one last look at Zach, already in the arms of another girl who was comforting him and examining the small cut on his cheek from Negan’s ring, before nodding slowly.  ‘Upstairs.  This better be good, Negan.’

You weren’t sure how long you sat in silence, perched on the end of Negan’s bed, before he finally spoke.  The air was thick with tension though you couldn’t tell if it was anger or need or a combination of the two.  All you knew was that it had left you feeling uncomfortably warm, and each time Negan’s eyes met yours you found yourself unable to look away.  When he reached over and took your hand, you tugged it sharply from his grasp, ignoring the hurt that flashed across his face, and it was that that finally prompted him to say something.

‘I’m sorry.’

You narrowed your eyes as you waited for him to go on, needing more than that from him before you could forgive him, needing to understand.

‘I know that was a dick move.  I didn’t even realise what I was fucking doing until he was already on the floor.  I just…  I was watching you together, his hands on you, and then he kissed you and… I guess I just lost it.’

‘Just a little.’  He huffed quietly, and you rolled your eyes.  ‘I still don’t know why. What’s this about?  I mean, I thought the other night that maybe you still felt something, but then I heard you tell that girl that I was nobody and I-‘

‘Shit, you heard that?’

‘Yeah, I heard it.’  He had the decency to look shame-faced, which made you feel a little better, but you were still determined to get the answers you needed.  ‘C’mon, Negan.  You wanted to talk so talk, please.’

‘Look, I’m not good at this stuff.  I don’t do commitment, I don’t do dating, and I definitely don’t get fucking jealous.  I’m more of a friends-with-benefits kinda guy. It works for me.’

‘That’s who that was at your door?  One of your friends?’

‘Yeah.’  He exhaled loudly.  ‘She knows the score.  She probably has a few others guys on her list, too, y’know?’

‘So, why say what you did?  You were about to kiss me when she knocked, I know you were.  Why act like I was just somebody who meant nothing to you?’

‘I don’t know.’

'Well, then I don’t know what I’m doing here.’  You moved to get up from the bed and leave but his raised voice stopped you in your tracks, startling you so that you edged away from him instead, bunching the covers between your fingers.

‘Because you mean too fucking much!’  He squeezed his eyes shut, collecting himself before he went on.  'Yeah, I was gonna kiss you, but I wanted it too much, and when she knocked on my door, I just wanted her to fucking leave!  I mean, you shoulda seen what she was wearing, or not wearing.  Black lacy shit that usually I can’t get enough of, and all I could think about was getting rid of her so I could get back to you, and that- that scared the shit out of me.’

‘Negan-‘

‘No.  You’re right, sweetheart.  I shouldn’t have said what I did, and I’m fucking sorry that I hurt you.  I’m even sorry that I hurt your date.  But you just showed up here, like it hasn’t been, what, nearly two years since I last touched you, and I can’t get you out of my fucking head.’

Your mind was reeling as you processed his confession, your cheeks flushed as the butterflies in your stomach fluttered wildly out of control.  ‘I don’t know what to do with that.’

He shot you a desperate look, his hand reaching for yours again and this time you let him take it, bringing it up to press against his lips.  ‘I guess that depends if you want me, doesn’t it, doll?’

‘I’ve wanted you since I was fifteen,’ you admitted, biting your lip as you traced over his long fingers with your nails.  ‘But this whole friends-with-benefits thing, all the girls you apparently have on your speed dial, not wanting to commit…  I can’t do that.  If you want me, I’ve got to be enough for you. Only me.  If you can’t give me that, then you need to let me go.’

‘I can do it.  I want to fucking try-‘

‘No, I don’t want to hear that you’ll try.  I want you to tell me that I’m all you want-’

‘You are.’

‘-and that you’re done with the other girls.’

‘I am.’

‘Then kiss me.’  You leant into him, curling your fingers into the dark hair at the nape of his neck and gazing up at him beseechingly.  You’d heard enough and now you needed him.  ‘Please, just kiss me and we can forget about this horrible fucking night.’

‘Does this mean…?’  He couldn’t get the sentence out, afraid to push too hard in case you should change your mind and pull away.

‘Yes!’ you insisted.  ‘I’m yours, Negan. Always have been, always will be.’

His mouth came down hard on yours, his lips moving urgently against your own, melting into you before you had a chance to catch your breath.  His hands were on your waist, his grip biting, and you shuffled closer so that you could wrap yourself around him, whimpering into the kiss when he pulled you into his lap.  The muscles in his arms tensed as you clutched at them, grounding yourself with his solidity as his fingers twisted in your hair, tilting your head back so he could scrape his teeth over the sensitive skin of your throat.

Every move he made reminded you of your first time: the weight of him as he leant back on the bed and rolled on top of you, his pelvis digging in to your thighs as your limbs tangled together; the musky pine-leather scent of him as it washed over you, thick and intoxicating; the curl of his fingers as he teased you and the scratch of his stubble over your skin.  God, he was just as good as you remembered, and you came apart as he devoured you, losing yourself in his onslaught and letting the last remnants of your doubts drift away.

 

* * *

 

When a knock sounded at Negan’s door later that night, it was nearly impossible for him to tear himself away from the girl sleeping at his side.  Her hand was resting over his chest, as though she needed the steady pulse of his heartbeat beneath her fingers to reassure her of his presence, but she didn’t wake when he crept out from under the covers, pulling on his jeans and making for the door.

He already knew who it would be.  She made a habit of coming by when there was a party, knowing she’d find him drunk and flirtatious, more than happy to see to whatever needs she had, but this time he had nothing to offer her.

He kept his distance as he slipped out into the corridor, pulling the door shut behind him and ignoring the lust in her eyes as they roamed over his chest and down to the waistband of his trousers, lingering over the dark trail of hair that disappeared beneath the soft denim.

‘You can’t come here anymore.’  His tone was firm and authoritative, and he stepped back when she moved towards him, bringing her up short.

‘What do you mean?’

‘This is over.’  He kept it short and to the point, not wanting to drag this out.

‘But I thought-‘

‘It doesn’t matter.  I’m with someone now and I’m not gonna fuck it up, so you need to leave.’

Her expression was one of disbelief, and he could understand it.  He never thought he’d be telling her that either, but he pictured Y/N curled up in his bed, and he couldn’t even contemplate being with anyone else.  For a moment, he thought she might argue, but instead she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

‘Fine.  But don’t come crawling to me when it all goes wrong.’

‘I won’t.’  He smirked, shaking his head at his own sappiness as he chuckled quietly to himself.  ‘I think this one’s for keeps.’

He watched her walk away before heading back to bed, met with Y/N’s sleepy smile when he stepped back into his room.  He knew then that, once again, she’d heard every word.


End file.
